ABBOTT N COSTELLO Meets Windows 98


Hey, Abbott!

ABBOTT: Yes, Lou?

COSTELLO: I just got my first computer.

ABBOTT: That's great Lou. What did you get?

COSTELLO: A Pentium II-333, with 64 Megs of RAM, a 6 Gig hard drive, and a
32X CD-ROM.

ABBOTT: That's terrific, Lou.

COSTELLO: But I don't know what any of it means!!

ABBOTT: You will in time.

COSTELLO: That's exactly why I am here to see you.

ABBOTT: Oh?

COSTELLO: I heard that you are a real computer expert.

ABBOTT: Well, I don't know!

COSTELLO: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

ABBOTT: Really?

COSTELLO: Uh huh. And I am here for my first lesson.

ABBOTT: O.K. Lou. What do you want to know?

COSTELLO: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should
be very careful how you turn it off.

ABBOTT: That's true.

COSTELLO: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off.
What do I do?

ABBOTT Well, first you press the Start button, and then¦

COSTELLO: No, I told you, I want to turn it off.

ABBOTT: I know, you press the Start button¦

COSTELLO Wait a second. I want to turn it off. I know how to start it. So
tell me what to do.

ABBOTT: I did.

COSTELLO: When?

ABBOTT: When I told you to press the Start button.

COSTELLO: Why should I press the Start button?

ABBOTT: To shut off the computer.

COSTELLO: I press Start to stop?

ABBOTT: Well Start doesn't actually stop the computer.

COSTELLO: I knew it! So what do I press.

ABBOTT: Start

COSTELLO: Start what?

ABBOTT: Start button.

COSTELLO: Start button to do what?

ABBOTT: Shut down?

COSTELLO: You don't have to get rude!

ABBOTT: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

COSTELLO: Then say what you mean.

ABBOTT: To shut down the computer, press-

COSTELLO: Don't say it, "Start!"

ABBOTT: Then what do you want me to say?

COSTELLO: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press
the Stop button, the End button and Cease and Desist button, but
no one in their right mind presses the Start to Stop.

ABBOTT: But that's what you do.

COSTELLO: And you probably Go at Stop signs, and Stop at green lights.

ABBOTT: Don't be ridiculous.

COSTELLO: I am being ridiculous? Well, I think it's about time we started
this conversation.

ABBOTT: What are you talking about?

COSTELLO: I am starting this conversation right now.

Good-bye ..